So, I have this kind of “small” obstacles with my on going thesis, and it successfully ruin half of my confidence and truthfully it makes me worried so much…and I’m singing “Butterflies and Hurricanes” (video from Muse HAARP – Butterflies and Hurricanes <Wembley Stadium>, thanx to goivechump who uploaded the video)
Butterflies and Hurricanes
Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called
Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead
Best, you’ve got to be the best
You’ve got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now
Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called
Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead
Best, you’ve got to be the best
You’ve got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now
Don’t let yourself down
And don’t let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived
Best, you’ve got to be the best
You’ve got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now
Have a little chit chat with my classmate after what-should-be-called-easy-mid-exam-but-d*mn-I-didn’t-study-hard enough this evening, and the main topic of our chit chat was about job/task priority he should make. Which one should be more have priority than others and what’s the effect of it? Will there be any sacrifice to be made?
He already had in mind what he should do, and probably he has to put aside one or more of his hopes of something. Thing that I notice from him that he has set in mind what he’d do and he has accepted the negative impact that will occur by his decisions. That makes me remember a quote from Grey’s Anatomy serial movie:
MEREDITH: [narrating] “Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.”
If you read in About Me section, you’ll find the reason why I’m continuing my study to postgraduate program. But what’s my purpose? To be honest, the main reason is to broaden my network. Just as simple as that. I wanted to meet different people, to know them, to hear their experiences, to collect stories about other job field, to find out how they handled their problems in their daily activities at their office or other things, and with that I’m hoping I can gain more knowledge, aside theories I’ll receive later in the course. Not that you can’t have it in your office, you’ll also meet different people at your office and different stories too…but sometimes, you kinda need..well..different atmosphere, if you know what I mean
Before I decided to submit the registration form, I thought it would be easy to prepare myself for it, but on the contrary I did find some things that could prevent me approaching. Like, the course will be held in the evening, 7pm to 9.30pm. If you’re not working, it wouldn’t be a troublesome, but I was working at office hours from 8am to 5pm at that time. I’ve made calculation that I’d be arrived at home around 10.30 pm after the course. I wasn’t using my own vehicle to office, so I’d be using public transportations to where the courses take place (which I have never been there before), and I’d be facing traffic jam in Jakarta that could reduce your life span if you couldn’t handle it well (that’s why I’m intended to buy MP3 player ). My family and my friends were worried if I couldn’t cope with that schedule well, they were considering my health (I have a weak body and easily got sick) and considering that I’m easily get lost (but I managed arrived to the course place nicely done on the 1st day without getting lost ). I assured my families and my friends (and also myself) that everything would be alright. And here I am, sound safe and healthy on 3rd term (and who had been sick on January for almost two weeks after 2nd term final assignment? )
I’m intended to write the title like that, just because it sounds nice ok, back to the topic. Writing what your feelings are recommended when you can’t say it, though it’s not the only way to express how you feel bout something, writing is one of many ways of it. When I talked bout feelings, that means your temporary feelings that never show up before, like one day you had a bad day in the office and that made you very sensitive, get easily angry on something.
You can write anything in a piece of a paper (or write it using an application in your computer), don’t afraid to make any mistakes, just write it down then it will go through. After you write all what you want, split the paper into pieces, stir them in a glass of water then drink it…n’ah, just joking. After you write it, what to do next is depends on yourself. You can give it to the person who you think should read it, or just keep it to yourself.
But let me remind you, please be careful when you wanted to give it to someone, you have to be cautious of the risk and the effect of it. Are you sure you want to give the paper to your boss when you’ve wrote your thought how he/she was so fussy on previous day? You’ve forgotten that he/she just gave you bonus in the other day. Seriously, are you wanted to get fired? Think back again what your purpose are when you write your feelings, is it to release the pain? Ease your mind? Lighten the burden inside? For me, if it’s only to comfort yourself, then just keep it yourself. You can split it then burn it, or keep it where it safe (like under your pillow, if you think it safe from anybody ), or you can erase/delete it if you write it in your computer or else, you name it. But it’s only my suggestions. If you still confused what you should do next then you can discuss it with someone you think is trusted and wised.
when you are sleepy or can barely open your eyes, it’s possible (or in my circumtances: most likely) you’ll make mistake(s) or can’t concentrate in what you’re doing, or you’ll do stupid things. Just like what had happened to me last night. I was very sleepy, I’ve tried to eat all Fr**z i have, but still didn’t work out, then I almost fall asleep in class during IT Gov lecture (apologize to Mas Muki), luckily i was sitting on the right side next to the wall of the class that’s hidden from his view another thing: I sent sms to wrong persons twice almost in a row coz I fell asleep for a second ^_^;
unfortunately, I’m still sleepy mode now…hope I can manage to pass this day well (I haven’t done my assignment yet..hueee…)
(but I managed arrived to the course place nicely done on the 1st day without getting lost 
). I assured my families and my friends (and also myself) that everything would be alright. And here I am, sound safe and healthy on 3rd term (and who had been sick on January for almost two weeks after 2nd term final assignment? 
)
